Many times in our lives there is a breakup that we just don’t want to let go. Even the best of lovers can be better friends, so why is it so hard to say good-bye?  Old loves carry special meaning for most people. Often, these are loves that cannot be fully extinguished, no matter how happy one is with a current relationship. Because of this, dealing with old loves can be especially tricky. The question is asked: Can we stay friends with old loves?

The Not-So-Bad Break-up

There are many things that go into the equation when deciding to remain friends.  Most people will base their decision on being friends with old lovers on the circumstances surrounding the break-up, as well as subsequent events.

The manner of a break-up is probably the most important factor in deciding whether or not we should be friends with past lovers. Sometimes the break-up happens because of a person’s infidelity, in which case, friendship is probably not possible.  If a break-up, on the other hand, occurred because of an unavoidable situation (say, one person has to work outside of the country for long periods, etc.), then perhaps friendship can still be a possibility. Of course, subsequent events will determine whether or not this will be so. 

New Relationships

Another factor that might enter into staying friends with old loves is the new relationships that are formed afterwards. Often, both partners will find new companions, and these companions will naturally be very jealous of their competitors. If becoming a friend to your past lover will injure your current relationship, then you probably should think twice unless of course you still love the former more than the latter. In other words, you yourself will have to weigh between the two.

Attachments Are Emotional

As mentioned before, some old loves never die, and this can be quite dangerous to people who have little emotional control. Because we become attached to a person who we have spent a portion of our lives with, we might never get over the rejection or abandonment of that person.

This emotional attachment can get in the way of forming new relationships; or be a hindrance for the full development of a new relationship. In other words, you can’t really love someone wholeheartedly if part of your heart is still with someone else.

So, Can We Stay Friends?

The answer can be both yes and no. It is really up to you. Of course, it is possible to stay friends with old loves. Romantic feelings fade after all, and more friendship-oriented emotions can take its place. If you are going to stay friends, it’s best to just be part-time friends.  Don’t constantly think you have to know everything that the other person is up to.  You will both go on with your lives, but there will always be something special between you.

In the end, you must weigh what kind of effect staying friends with past lovers will have on your current (and even future) relationships. The decision, as always, is yours. Just remember, you can never “really” go back to the way things were.  It will always be different after a breakup than before maybe better, maybe worse.

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