Breaking Up is Hard To Do So Do It Tactfully
Not every relationship is made in heaven. If you are using an Online Dating Service to discover new possibilities, you may have to break up with people more than you would like. So, here are some ways you can break up using a little finesse and a lot of tact!
For starters, it’s important when you’re trying to tactfully break up with someone that you do it somewhere private. The one time you do NOT want to break up privately is if you’re dealing with someone who has been threatening, or someone who scares you, or could be a little threatening. In this case you might want to bring along a big strong witness (friend) or try something more impersonal like a letter, phone call or e-mail.
If, however, the relationship has been genuinely good, and you’re breaking up with a nice person, always end it in person. Anything else is cold and cruel (unless, of course, you met online and never met face-to-face to begin with.)
Another suggestion about how you tactfully break up with someone is to avoid doing it on special occasions such as holidays, birthdays, or “ heaven forbid Valentine’s Day. You’re already going to cause that person unavoidable emotional distress and hurt for a temporary time. The last thing you want him or her to have to do is relive the stress and the pain each time the anniversary of the breakup rolls around.
One more important point if you want to tactfully break up with someone is that you want to be honest up to a point. I once went out with a guy that seemed very nice. He was polite, interesting, ambitious, good looking, not pushy about moving it to the sexual level. After several dates I was thinking that this might build into something long term. Then he invited me over to his house.
He obviously didn’t go through the checklist I mentioned in a previous blog post! The rugs were spotted, the couch and furniture dusty, and there were dirty dishes everywhere. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
The next time he called to go out I told him I had met someone else. I just couldn’t bring myself to say, Hey, you’re a slob. I wonder sometimes now if I should have if it might have helped him change. I decided however, that midlife slobs don’t change and I would have caused him more hurt than the hurt caused by what I told him instead.
Be sure to keep your emotions in check. While you don’t want to appear cold, you also don’t want to laugh when they cry, or appear too happy to be getting out of the relationship.
Take it slow and tactfully. Don’t give them five minutes of -I’m out of here – and no chance for them to say anything. Talk, Listen, then leave gracefully, and hopefully still friends.
